Sometimes I feel like I should have sex. I mean I am okay with not having it, and I identify on the ace spectrum right now, but than I read how we're special snowflakes, especially if some have numerous identities like demisexual or blanksensual, and I think that maybe I should have sex so people won't suspect anything. It's not like I am actually going to have sex since I am a bit replused, it's just some thoughts that I have on and off.
[2, ignore the other 2 if there is any] I think it is because there’s a small part of me that wants to please others but I’m getting better at ignoring it and doing whatever makes me comfortable. I was just wondering if anyone had similar thoughts, or were afraid of disclosing certain identities they had due to what they saw on the internet. I’m the type of person who doesn’t care what a person ids as, usually, but I know other people seem to care.
This is actually a really common problem. You are definitely not the only person who’s worried about being called a “special snowflake”.
It’s also extremely common for people to feel like they “ought” to have sex that they don’t actually want—that’s where the phrase “compulsory sexuality” comes from. It’s a cultural phenomenon that expects everyone to be sexually active, or want sexual activity, at least some of the time. (In particular, it emphasizes heterosexuality.) There are many asexual-spectrum and/or sex-repulsed people who feel like they’re broken, or weird, or somehow in the wrong for not wanting sex in the way our culture expects them to.
The “special snowflake” accusation is bullshit. It serves no purpose, except to make people afraid to identify as anything other than straight, cisgender or neurotypical. It’s a silencing tactic that is used to discourage people from exploring their identities, finding support among other people like themselves, and creating words to help them express their concerns and experiences.
That bit about words is important, because there’s more than just words at stake here. What’s at stake are millions of people who feel different or alienated from Western culture in some way, who need to articulate what they’re feeling and find other people who feel the same, and for whom the English language just isn’t working. These are people who feel like they are broken, freakish and alone because they have no words that can describe what they are. When you have no words that can describe a concept properly, it can trick you into not realizing the concept exists. Discovering a word can make you see the world, and yourself, in a whole new way.
Identity labels have power. Calling someone a “special snowflake” is usually done to attack the identity labels that person uses, dismissing them as fake, insincere or ridiculous. It is very much an issue of who should have the power to define words and influence the way we communicate.
I should also point out that you absolutely are not obligated to have sex, ever. You do not need to have sex in order to fit in, or deflect suspicion, or be “normal.” You do not need to have sex in order to prove yourself, or to make other people accept you. Anyone who tries to make you feel weird or bad for not having sex, is a person who doesn’t deserve to be your friend. You probably know this already, but I figure it’s worth repeating.
1 month ago with 72 notes